The road to true leadership
Lilith. First woman on earth, who went to Adam to woo him with a love like the breathing of man and woman in which heaven blooms. And Adam, who spurned her because she wouldn’t be subservient.
She left. Went her own way. Alone. Later, much later, she was understood to be a demon, to be the snake who lured Eve, the derived woman from Adam’s rib, to eat from the tree of knowledge and to know about good and evil.
Was it a momentary absent-mindedness that made Adam unable to receive her? Had God made a mistake by creating this spineless Adam? And then presenting him with the compliant Eve.
Shame on you, God!
I received Lilith in me
I sat across from him. He welcomed me. My whole being, everything I am. I breathed and felt my strength release. He did not look away and regarded me affectionately and without fear. Lilith awoke in me. And I opened myself for her. In everything.
Come, he said, come. You are welcome. She appeared, cautiously and reluctantly. Almost shy. Looked at him. Really? Yes, really. Express yourself. It meant a great deal to Lilith to suddenly be noticed with everything she was.
There were words of despair, of always having to be insignificant and to bear children, of taking care of men and being underneath them. Of having to brace yourself, even at work, against remarks about your femininity, about being a woman….
The creative ability
But she, Lilith, knows darkness and Light, the forging efforts necessary to create. It was a bad mistake to give the light to the likes of Adam and Eve, and darkness to Satan. It brings dualism.
Whereas Lilith is wholeness. Joining the far reaches of emotion: fury and hatred; and calm and gentleness, and endless tenderness, the deepest warmth a woman can offer. And she wants to be received in all of this. She emerged and demanded her place.
How could society, and the Adams in particular, have cast her out instead of embracing her in equality? How was it possible that her pure force of creation was not acknowledged?
He said, you are welcome. Come. And…. this is what I like, to be with Lilith, to be with her ….. His eyes sparked; he really meant it. She recognized this, and it further fanned her fire. Come, he said, you are welcome. And the struggle dissolved ….. she mellowed and looked at him.
She trusted him. Leaned backwards further and further until she lay on the floor in open lotus pose. Eyes raised to the heavens. Come, he said, you are welcome. And so she lay, for the first time ever in perfect tenderness. Lilith. She sighed.
And became disconnected. Because Lilith, received in everything, allowed to be, she is at a loss for words. She, who doesn’t know what it is to live without the struggle, without having to tame her force. She, who is understood to be a demon.
For a long while nothing happened.
And this is unusual. A woman lies open like that for a man, and he does not misuse it. Or cuddles her, which would belittle her. Or tell her what to do, to get out of the situation. And this man, this man said: do you still feel our field?
What field, she thought, which field? And thoughts, ‘how to behave’ crossed her mind. Start a formal conversation? Sit up and make a joke? Nestle herself in his arms (and actually be disconnected)? What to do?
Field. Man. Not knowing. Be welcome. Really, be welcome…
And, very slowly, she gathered herself and saw the man who welcomed her.
She made contact again, heart to heart, where no words are needed.
Welcome she was.
That freedom enabled her only then – only then! – to express her despair. A deep felt despair … What happened? Wasn’t she a good creation? Had God made a mistake by creating her? No! She is Gods creation too! So why wasn’t she received, nota bene by the first man?
Furious out of despair. Out of her years of being cast out, of having no place to call her own, turning to Satan and darkness, to Samael, the angel of death, who became her companion. But everything, all that, would not have been necessary if she had been received in the beginning.
She, Lilith, who knows Light and Darkness. Who lives beyond dualism.
The man then spoke to the creator. That he, as a man, desired Lilith at his side, and no longer Eve, the derived woman, made from a part of him. He rather have a pure woman in her own strength, incorporating all the aspects she possesses. At his side. Lilith. Equipollent.
Pure self-determination. To not just leave it to God to let Adam and Eve frolic in paradise, naive, without the insights of the tree of knowledge. A man, who wants to know and makes his own choices about how to live in this earthly paradise.
Lilith cracked. Finally the tears of sorrow could flow, and she released herself. In proximity of a man who acknowledged her for everything she is. And if a man really sees you, you have nowhere to hide as a woman. You arise in glory.
She looked at him. Equal. Open. Strong. Vulnerable. Everything, all that a woman can be.
She arose, without resentment and without anger in all her glory. And she placed the Holy Grail in their midst. The holy grail of humanity, of pure self-determination to live as divine beings on earth. In true companionship.
The man, sitting across from her, heard all the men in the world whisper: please, please have mercy, have mercy on the men. And he asked Lilith who sat there in all her power and glory, to have mercy on the men.
Her eyes flamed. Her breath snorted: don’t ask this of me! Mercy on men who do not stand in their own power and feel intimidated by women. First not accepting her as equal, and then asking for mercy!
Do not pity me, she added. As I will not pity you. And the man, who was sitting across from her, remarked that he hadn’t spoken for himself, and he spoke from his heart.
About a world of value. In which feminine and masculine equally give direction to our planet. About a time of love that has arrived. Of true masculinity. In which he besides and with Lilith takes care for life on earth.
In love. As life itself.
The Path of Lilith is showing us True Leadership to create a world we like to live in. For now and the next generations to come. On an economic, cultural and personal level.
You can read ‘love’ for the word God. I don’t necessarily believe in one God or omnipotent being, but I do trust that we carry something like the divine fire or the universal spark.
The story of Adam and Eve is not necessarily ‘true’, but it is truthful and of great influence on our culture and our experience of reality. To welcome Lilith is a shift in the Zeitgeist.
Feminine and masculine does not necessarily refer to ‘man’ and ‘woman’ but to these aspects within our society and within our own personality.
Strolling into a boardroom and speaking about the larger meaning. Showing compassion for the ‘opponent’. Speaking words of love and being understood. Asking for a moment of quiet to really feel through everything before you answer.
Feminine values. Upon which we women are not always conditioned. We have learned to ‘man up’ and feminism challenged us to show masculine behavior and expect men to behave in a feminine way. In this as of yet unsafe society….. women are far away from a pure release of their feminine powers. They rather ‘man up’ to stay safe during life.
To be able to ride a bike at night, always and everywhere. To wear a tight dress and not be harassed in a club. To look at a man without a trace of fear, without secretly checking whether you could handle him if necessary, or where the escape routes are….
Women really are always on guard. Besides that, showing vulnerability is often confused with being vulnerable, a request for protection and an emphasis on weakness. Freedom always begins in solidarity. Freedom is formed collectively. Connection from autonomy. Feminine and masculine in autonomous power. In which vulnerability can exist.
Masculine and feminine ….. as a direction for solution
These two powers, masculine and feminine, are basic forces in the universe. They act in our society and in the way in which we construct the world around us. Masculine is expansion, growth and directed at conquering (land from water!!). Feminine is forming, and determines the shape which the growth impulse takes in practice (water as source of nutrition!). In the right proportion forms arise that are balanced, vital, durable and sustainable.
Considering everything that is wrong in the world, the balance between masculine and feminine forces and values in contemporary culture is thoroughly disrupted. The earth and the life it harbors are abused and raped in many different ways. Often by dominant masculine forces that manifest without heart-energy (life-giving, the feminine principle) and act limitless.
At the same time the feminine does little more than complain at the sideline, or wonder how to manifest and where there is space for decisions that create value on all levels. The narrative about Lilith and the ceremony described above give a wonderful metaphor for how to deal with these principles and how to restore the balance.
Both forces together, in their interaction, form the creative foundation, they cannot exist without each other. But it is not a 50/50 proportion. The ideal ratio between two forces that can be found in the whole of nature is the golden mean. Expressed in numbers 1:1.618…, the formative force is amply present to balance the development of life forms and in that life itself.
The invitation and the golden ratio
The imbalance in our society can only be stabilized if the proportion of masculine and feminine nears the golden ratio. A cultural task that requires that in particular the feminine, containing, forming force is emphasized much stronger. And the authentic masculine force that invites the feminine to do so.
We won’t get there with the Eves of this world. We need Lilith, the original woman in her genuine, unadulterated strength, and not Eve, derived of man. And likewise, oh poor Adam… who did not see a woman as his equal, we need men who welcome the woman as autonomous and equal force.
It is interesting to investigate how we can design this in this time. Remarkably, Lilith needed a lot of time, and spent a long stretch in not-knowing, before she came into her genuine power and unadulterated form. Power without anger and resentment. Strength in relaxation. This relaxation is necessary to bring about the right proportion of masculine and feminine.
In our culture, we are used to immediately cover up the state of not-knowing. A women does that by instantly following her survival instincts and showing masculine behavior: to start a formal, business-like conversation, and to mask the not-knowing – because otherwise one cannot ‘win’ in a debate or situation. A man will try to placate or take the lead to veil this not-knowing.
And here we are again in the battle of the sexes. In which true, authentic masculine and feminine forces cannot bloom. It is also interesting to note that the role of the masculine is different from what we thus far perceive (initiating, conquering, directing), it is rather directed at creating a safe space in which the feminine in all its aspects can be welcomed. Directed at creating a joyful collaboration of both qualities. This takes a joint process of emancipation. Of women and men. Personal development to come into one’s own authentic force. And in this way tackle the great issues of this time together.
The consequences of the imbalance between masculine and feminine forces and values in our culture are ubiquitous. In all domains of society. But maybe most clearly in the economy. In the capitalist regime the masculine values are dominant. Growth, profit, hard measurable goals, exploitation. This has brought about great material prosperity. But increasingly at the expense of people and the planet; at the expense of ‘softer’ values. In the current circumstances, the economic and social system is dysfunctional; it undermines itself. Populism, climate, social and ecological (un)sustainability.
Therefore we need to re-form our way of life and living together. Through extensive transitions. For example in the fields of energy, circular economy and technology. But most importantly in the way in which we are or want to be human in this age.
Through the development of a new release of ourselves. Through the realization of a better balance between masculine and feminine values and forces. Which becomes the foundation of a caring economy and society, aimed at ecological sustainability, inclusivity and quality of life.
Free your personal Lilith. Search her out. Welcome her in the women around you. Do you dare? To fully investigate this, how it works in your organization or in the forming of your (professional) life?
They are different roads to Rome. Whether you address this issue strategically or through personal experience, it unlocks the pure forging power in the formation of the world in which we live. It requires leadership and space for innovation.
Know that you are welcome.
Noor Bongers winter solstice 2017
This article is a result of a ceremony with Noor Bongers and Herman Wijffels.
And first Published on 30-1-2018 on Noor’s weblog.
Translated in English by Johanneke Kroesbergen